ERNIE AND ERNESTINA: The Writer, His Wife, and their Afterlife

Book One, Part Two, Chapter 104: In the Dark

Ernie rarely criticized me. He let me be the way I was.

If I didn’t want to nod or say hello to someone, I crossed the street. If I didn’t want to talk to a person anymore, I walked off. If I wanted to criticize someone or tell someone off — including Ernie, including Joshua — I did. I justified my behavior by thinking I was either being selective or being honest.

Mainly, I was being rude and cruel.

Even if Ernie had told me these things about myself, would I have believed him? Taken his words to heart? Would I have changed?

I think now that nothing except his death would have made me see who I was. I was that in the dark.