ERNIE AND ERNESTINA: The Writer, His Wife, and their Afterlife

Book One, Part One, Chapter 59: Battle in the Bladder

Finally, Ernie’s strong enough to undergo the bladder operation. His urologist, Mark, removes as many tumors as he can, but there are so many.

“I’ll have to do another operation,” Mark tells us.

He does two more. After the third one, he comes into the waiting room, still in his blue scrubs and blue cap, to give me the post-op report. “I can play eighteen holes of golf, but I can’t stand on my feet this long anymore doing this kind of work. I’m turning Ernie over to my colleague Stephan. He’s younger than I am. He has more energy. He’s been the president of the local urological association. He’ll take good care of Ernie.”

For the fourth operation we’re at a different hospital, and I’m in a smaller waiting room, but the routine’s the same except this urologist plans to use a laser to cut the tumors. He comes out to deliver his post-op report.

“I have good news and bad news.”

“Ernie’s still alive, isn’t he?”

“If he wasn’t, I wouldn’t have any good news at all, would I?”

“Give me the bad news first.”

“The laser burned a hole in your husband’s bladder, near its dome. We’ll have to let that heal before we can operate again.”

“Another operation?”

“It’ll be the last one, I promise. The good news is, the tumors haven’t invaded the bladder wall. Ernie’s bladder is safe.”

After Ernie regains consciousness, I visit him in the recovery room and give him the report.

“Another operation?” he says. “How much pain can one man take?”