ERNIE AND ERNESTINA: The Writer, His Wife, and their Afterlife

Book One, Part One, Chapter 20: The Marvelous Kingdom of Wee

When Ernie and Janey were together, she drew creatures — the Ollie Beastie, the Red-Spotted Ebeil, the Winged Purple Turple — living in a fantasyland she called the Kingdom of Lahtar. This spurred Ernie to write a children’s fantasy, The Marvelous Kingdom of Wee, that he hoped she’d illustrate, but they broke up before that happened.

Now that I’m reading children’s stories to Joshua, Ernie brings out the Kingdom of Wee manuscript. The story enchants me.

Crinklestitch Cricket and his friends Toothpick the Sparrow, Squire Squirrel, Bumpy the Frog, and Beatrice Bumble Bee all live in the Kingdom of Wee. They’re all scared of the kingdom beyond Blueblottom Lake and Gloomydome Mountain, which they call the Land of the Zuels, and Zuels are scary creatures indeed, although no one in the Kingdom of Wee has actually seen a Zuel, only heard the moans and howls coming over the mountain and across the lake.

Such wonderful names. Ernie’s an expert at names. He gives me nicknames. Lemon-topped Zephyr because I wear a striped yellow top and move fast. Chicken Wings because my arms got skinny when Doc Morgan put me on a pregnancy diet. Fuzzy-Wuzzy waddle doodle de-do, I think because I don’t think too clearly and don’t always know where I’m going, and maybe I tend to doodle.

Ernie has names for Joshua too, Mozzarella Cheese Ball being his current favorite because Joshua is round and creamy. And Booger Ott-do, no doubt related to Fuzzy-Wuzzy.

“Have you tried to sell the Crinklestitch story?” I ask Ernie.

“It’s made the rounds. Lots of agents and editors like it, but they say they can’t sell fantasy these days. But children love fantasy. They always have. They always will.”

“Look at Peter Pan,” I say. “I love that story . . . well, the TV version, anyway, with Mary Martin as Peter Pan. I cried and cried when Peter left Wendy. Or Wendy left Peter. I can’t remember who left whom.”

Ernie sends out fresh query letters. Still no takers.

“I think I’ll publish The Marvelous Kingdom of Wee myself,” he says.

“Can you do that?”

“Of course. All I need is a little mound of money.”

Is Ernie living in fantasyland himself? But if he is, I’m there, too.