ERNIE AND ERNESTINA: The Writer, His Wife, and their Afterlife
Book One, Part Two, Chapter 168: The Friendship Test
From a recycling bin, a way-back issue of Oprah’s magazine — over four years old — looks up at me. Its cover headline? FRIENDS. Perhaps the universe is offering me a gift.
Inside is Martha Beck’s article The Friendship Test. I read and re-read the ten questions she poses. Jesus. I’m in a sweat. I think I’m going to flunk this test, and what test is more important than a friendship test?
- Do you initiate contact?
- Do you offer support by being cheerful, encouraging, and caring enough to make the other feel good?
- Do you prepare a special dinner or other event to share?
- Do you defend or support the other when people aren’t treating him or her fairly?
- Do you offer empathy, understanding, and kindness when focusing on the other’s problem?
- Do you help the other when he or she is sick or out of town?
- Do you acknowledge significant dates or occasions?
- Do you acknowledge and compliment the other’s good qualities?
- Do you help the other person after he or she has experienced an unpleasant interaction with family or friends or boss or stranger?
- Do you honor all promises and commitments?
I would add a number 11:
Do you talk truth to the other person when that person is not facing it, to help that person face it? Do you do this gently, with compassion, understanding, and respect?
Friendship.
First, I need to be a friend to myself, don’t I? I need to be there for me.
