ERNIE AND ERNESTINA: The Writer, His Wife, and their Afterlife

Book One, Part Two, Chapter 108: Jude’s Gratitude

When I attached myself to Ernie, I distanced myself from everyone else, including my family. Today, I spend an hour or so talking on the phone to my younger sister Jude.

Jude’s a runner. When plantar fasciitis stopped her morning workout with her running buddies, she began an aerobics program. To be sure she increased her heart rate sufficiently, she strapped on a heart monitor, but she noticed that her heart rate went up alarmingly even when she was doing something as easy as taking off a cotton top. She told her internist, whom she’d been going to for eleven years, about this. “That’s normal for you,” he said.

At her insistence, he sent her to a cardiologist. Tests revealed a low ejection factor and left ventricular weakness. Diagnosis: mitral-valve prolapse; open-heart surgery needed immediately.

This news shocked Jude. “My internist told me my heart rate is normal for me,” she told the cardiologist.

“Normal for you means you’re susceptible to sudden death from cardiac failure,” the cardiologist said. “That is not normal.”

Jude’s undergone two open-heart surgeries. The first one didn’t improve her ejection factor. She now has an artificial mitral valve. Still, her ejection factor is getting lower and her left ventricle, weaker.

She takes lots of pills, “which is why I raise funds for the American Heart Association. I’m hoping someone will find a way to help me, to give me a Plan B. In the meantime, I’m grateful for every single day given to me.”

Jude echoes what Ernie always said: “I’m grateful for each new day. Knock on wood.”

Gratitude. Perhaps I was given so much, without having to work for it, that I took it all for granted. Ernie just appeared before me one day. Joshua fell into my lap. And work? Ernie gave me meaningful work: editing and typing his novels and articles and short stories and plays.

Perhaps I don’t value my own life because I haven’t been close to losing it. Perhaps I haven’t felt close enough to anyone or anything to value him or her or it.

Gratitude. I have a lot to learn about gratitude.