ERNIE AND ERNESTINA: Searching

Book Two, Chapter 319: Regret

Today, the fifth of December, my brother-in-law David planned to fly back to his home in Virginia from his worksite for a delayed Thanksgiving celebration with his wife, my sister Tish. Instead, his body is flying in, and he’s not with it.

Just a few months ago, Tish e-mailed her brothers and sisters a photo of David on his riding mower. He’d just finished cutting their front and back grass. I didn’t respond to it. I didn’t write back to say: “Hey, David, you look like a sheikh with your curly hair and deep tan and moustache and bright white teeth.”

I regret not responding.

In the past two years I’ve regretted much of the life I’ve lived so far, and I don’t like the feeling. I want to grow into a person who has no need to feel regret, who respects the decisions she’s made.

I offered to stay with Tish during this time of sadness, although I don’t know whether I’d truly be of help. I’m feeling so fragile myself.

She wrote back: “Not now. I need to take care of myself now. Later we will talk of a good time for me to invite you to visit.”

I hope she invites me to her home. Then I won’t regret never having been there.