ERNIE AND ERNESTINA: Searching

Book Two, Chapter 178: Transference

“I get along with guys,” Joshua says. “We talk when we need to. I’ve never had a healthy relationship with a female.” Except with his grandmother, he adds. “Mary Lee never judged me. She loved me. We fussed, but we always made up.”

Ernie and I modeled co-dependency for him, so it’s no surprise that he fell into a fourteen-year co-dependent relationship with Christy. He fixes and pleases . . . or tries to, but in co-dependency, the fixing and pleasing never ends.

Also, it’s hard for him to relax. “I put the pedal to the metal after Daddy died. It was my way of coping. I had to be doing something. I just couldn’t sit around and cry. What good would that do?”

If I could make a wish, I would wish for him a healthy relationship with a woman, one he opens his mind and heart to, one he tells his history to. They would understand each other. They would be equals. Truth would reign supreme. Their honest talk with each other would bring on trust.

In the meantime, I’ll keep working on improving my relationship with him. Maybe the honesty and trust we are establishing with each other will transfer into healthy and happy relationships for him and for me.