ERNIE AND ERNESTINA: Searching

The self-help book which has helped me the most — and the one I’ve been the most resistant to — is Darlene Lancer’s Codependency for Dummies.

I’m resistant to this book because its contents describe the co-dependent me so incisively that my body turns hot and I put the book down . . . but that’s also the reason why it’s so important for me to pick it up again.

In it, Darlene Lancer describes the characteristics of a person interacting with others in a healthy way.

I will be reliable, keep my word.

I will be honest and direct, not evasive.

I will be respectful, not rude or bossy.

I will be supportive, not indifferent or competitive.

I will be accepting, not judging.

I will be open, not secretive.

I will be authentic and real, not a phony or a braggart.

I will be flexible, not rigid.

I will allow, not control.

I will give, not withhold.

I will understand, not be cold and insensitive.

I will respect my boundaries and the boundaries of others.

Darlene Lancer writes clearly. She covers co-dependency thoroughly. She has helped make this dysfunctional behavior clearer to me. She has helped me to understand its origins. She has written down its symptoms.

I am on a spiritual journey, and she is another of my guiding angels.

--

--

Get the Medium app

A button that says 'Download on the App Store', and if clicked it will lead you to the iOS App store
A button that says 'Get it on, Google Play', and if clicked it will lead you to the Google Play store
Ernestina

Ernestina

My writer husband’s favorite nickname for me was Ernestina, so in this 3-book memoir, he is Ernie. This is his story, our story, and my story. I invite you in.