ERNIE AND ERNESTINA: Searching

Book Two, Chapter 188: The Next Three Stages of Human Development

My mother loved babies. She was at her best with babies.

If I didn’t totally bond with her, perhaps it was because she began to give more attention to my brother, born 364 days after I was. Perhaps I felt a bit abandoned.

And where’s my father? To help me along in my second stage of development, the co-dependent stage, when I begin to separate from my mother and do a little exploring on my own?

My father’s worried about keeping his children safe. He has three of them now. So, instead of gaining confidence in myself, I hear my father’s anxious voice: “Watch out!. . . Come back here!. . . Hold my hand. . . . Hold on tight!”

I never really made it to the independent stage, when children gain skills needed to be on their own, when they grow to trust themselves and to respect themselves. And, of course, I was far removed from the inter-dependent stage, when people develop relational skills — learning to give and receive, beginning to make decisions for the common good while at the same time remaining true to themselves.

Another thing about dependents and co-dependents: we dysfunctionals always find each other.