ERNIE AND ERNESTINA: Searching

Book Two, Chapter 62: A Letter to Joshua

I write a letter to Joshua. I tell him I can’t live with my pain. I tell him I’m sorry to have let him down and to have missed so much of his life. I tell him not to bury my ashes at Cave Hill. I don’t want any of me around. I say to him: I can’t live with myself.

I’m scared. Am I going to kill myself? I don’t know, but it’s what I think about, what I visualize. A butcher knife. My left wrist.